I wonder who I am and what I have become over the years. What happened to me I will never know. Maybe I never had it to begin with. Am I lazy? Sometimes. But what has happened to me since being laid off almost 2.5 years ago is unknown.
I go to class everyday, I know my way around a smartphone like it is nobodies business. Specs, brands, what they can and cant do. I know my way around a computer pretty good, and the programs that come with them. I know that doesn't seem like a big deal because a lot of people know how to do that, but seriously, I cant tell you how many people I have to help out weekly with this stuff. Some get it and some don't. Maybe that is the category I fit in.
My internal struggle right now and my whole University run at an Associates is where the current problem resides. Name the class, and I will have a problem. I get what we are doing in class and I understand what I'm doing....(UNTIL)....I get home and I'm dumb. Its like I never learned anything. Right now in my Advanced web servers class, I'm fine. Until I get to my iMac and start to do the assignments. Fucking Lost!!! I coded the required task by the professor, (YIPPI). The .php logic that makes the page do its next step. NOPE! Isny going to happen, not on this shift. Completely dumb. Logic. Simple as it may seem, it really isnt for me right now. To watch people do it fast like it was the simplest thing I have ever seen depresses me so much cuz I should be that good. Why cant I do this stuff like everyone else?
I must have been dropped on my head or something when I was a baby. I have never felt smart, and I know I'm struggling with retaining information. This is the story throughout my whole life, and I wish I knew why.
~Thanks for stopping by~
Luke
No comments:
Post a Comment